Gone unnoticed
The plovers have left the grassy knoll outside the apartment for their summer breeding and feeding. All through the month of April I was watching for their absence. It was coming. I watched their plumage change. The time was coming when they would make that incredible journey north powered by the energy stored from their time in Hawaii. I wanted to notice when they left. But, I stopped paying attention. The plovers left and I didn't notice.
I feel disappointed. I am trying to figure out why this bothers me.
I have always prided myself on being organized. Others have praised me for my organization. My husband jokingly calls me the "space patrol officer" because I am apparently pretty good at organizing things in space as well as time. I have tried various approaches to keeping myself organized and productive over the years.
Some people are list makers. I am one of them. Sometimes it is just helpful to get the task out of my head and written down somewhere so I don't have to keep thinking about it. For the last few months lists have been very important because I am over-committed and just can't keep it all in my head any more. I was wrapped up in wedding plans, end of academic year work and encouraging my son to do his homework. There were reports due, collaborators wanting input..... I have dropped a lot of things off the list and really tried to prioritize. But, even though I cut a lot of things off my list and there are some tasks that never even made it to the list, the list is immense.
Having the list is one thing; getting the tasks done is another. I used to pull all-nighters or at least late nights to get tasks done. I'd work weekends, evenings, and skip meals. Sometimes, when my insomnia kicks in I do sit up and catch up on some of those nagging chores that don't take priority during the regular work day. A lot of these tasks just haven't been completed. Is the list just too long? Possibly. To be fair though, I don't push myself like I used to. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I am not as ambitious as I used to be. Maybe other things have just become more important.
Plover watching wasn't on the list. It was just something I enjoyed as a part of my daily routine. I miss the plaintive whistles at night; watching them strut about on the grass while foraging and defending their field of insects from other birds. I am sorry that I didn't farewell them. How hard is it to look around during the walk to work? Did I need a reminder to do that? It seems like I did. Obviously, plover watching was something I just let slide as my walks to work became an organisational exercise; an ordering of my tasks for the day and there was no mental room for plovers.
I know the plovers will come back and take up residence again for the winter; I will get to watch them strut around act all tough. I hope next year I will farewell them properly. But, in not noticing the absence of the plovers, especially when I wanted to, it makes me wonder what else I have missed noticing because I get so caught up in my daily obligations.
I feel disappointed. I am trying to figure out why this bothers me.
I have always prided myself on being organized. Others have praised me for my organization. My husband jokingly calls me the "space patrol officer" because I am apparently pretty good at organizing things in space as well as time. I have tried various approaches to keeping myself organized and productive over the years.
Some people are list makers. I am one of them. Sometimes it is just helpful to get the task out of my head and written down somewhere so I don't have to keep thinking about it. For the last few months lists have been very important because I am over-committed and just can't keep it all in my head any more. I was wrapped up in wedding plans, end of academic year work and encouraging my son to do his homework. There were reports due, collaborators wanting input..... I have dropped a lot of things off the list and really tried to prioritize. But, even though I cut a lot of things off my list and there are some tasks that never even made it to the list, the list is immense.
Having the list is one thing; getting the tasks done is another. I used to pull all-nighters or at least late nights to get tasks done. I'd work weekends, evenings, and skip meals. Sometimes, when my insomnia kicks in I do sit up and catch up on some of those nagging chores that don't take priority during the regular work day. A lot of these tasks just haven't been completed. Is the list just too long? Possibly. To be fair though, I don't push myself like I used to. Maybe I'm getting old. Maybe I am not as ambitious as I used to be. Maybe other things have just become more important.
Plover watching wasn't on the list. It was just something I enjoyed as a part of my daily routine. I miss the plaintive whistles at night; watching them strut about on the grass while foraging and defending their field of insects from other birds. I am sorry that I didn't farewell them. How hard is it to look around during the walk to work? Did I need a reminder to do that? It seems like I did. Obviously, plover watching was something I just let slide as my walks to work became an organisational exercise; an ordering of my tasks for the day and there was no mental room for plovers.
I know the plovers will come back and take up residence again for the winter; I will get to watch them strut around act all tough. I hope next year I will farewell them properly. But, in not noticing the absence of the plovers, especially when I wanted to, it makes me wonder what else I have missed noticing because I get so caught up in my daily obligations.
