Tsunamis

I've lived in Hawai'i now for over three years.  Without fail, every year there has been a tsunami warning.  When sirens went off to warn us of an impending tsunami, I was terribly annoyed to be woken from my slumber. I didn't even know there were warning sirens let alone the possibility of a tsunami.  I thought tsunamis were something that you drank.  When they kept going off, I figured I'd better get up out of bed and try to figure out what was going on.  So, I went to the radio and the almighty Google to get some information.  I was aptly rewarded and then learned a whole lot about evacuation zones, preparing for power and water outages and possible sewer back-ups.  Hours went by with continuous updates.  I kept checking in with my sister who at the time was living in an evacuation zone.  She was on the 12th floor or something like that so wasn't really at risk.  I wasn't in an evacuation zone either but thought it prudent to fill up every possible vessel with fresh water.  I figured I had about two weeks worth of food.  We'd survive.  The clock ticked.  Sirens blared on some predetermined schedule.  We waited.   Then it was over.  A wave a couple of feet high washed up on the beaches and that was that.

I don't know where I was the second time but I remember being much more at peace.  I'd already stocked up on bottled water after the last event and made an effort to have a bit more food in the cupboard.  I'd invested in a big bag of rice.We wouldn't be eating gourmet meals but we'd be alright.    Ironically, most of it has now gone to the landfill because weevils, other beetles and booklice thought it was a pretty good stash too.  This time when the tsunami finally arrived it did do some damage.  But, certainly not to the degree that it was projected.  It was such a non-event that people printed and sold t-shirts the next day saying, "I survived the tsunami."  Tourists were seen all over Honolulu wearing them for the next few days.  Locals though were a bit put out by the shirts.  The shirts were considered in very poor taste given the impact the same wave had on Japan.

The most recent warning in October 2012, I was on Maui.  The hotel I was in was an evacuation site so again I didn't feel too worried about my personal safety.  They had water and it was a nice hotel so the food would be pretty close to gourmet.  I would survive.  Nevertheless, I kept abreast of the news.  We wouldn't have to wait long for this one.  You see this time, the warning was delayed and we had incomplete information.  Something about not enough buoys in the area.  Consequently, people weren't given as much time to prepare and evacuate.  So, while I watched the news from my comfy hotel room, folks on Oahu were trying to evacuate.  People were trapped in traffic in the evacuation zones.  They could have walked out of the area faster than fleeing in their vehicles.  In spite of this building drama, I was also concerned because the next morning I was due to fly out on a marathon trip to Australia.  If my plane from Maui was delayed there would be some serious problems completing my travel, giving my presentation, going to the meetings I had scheduled etc.  I waited and eventually fell asleep.  I slept through the whole thing, which ended up being a non-event. I got up in the morning, went to the airport, and made every connecting flight as needed.

What's the point of this commentary?

Well, you see a few months ago I went to my doctor for a consult and mentioned that I hadn't had the annual pap smear in about three years.  I don't really know why I waited so long (ha ha, of course I do).  Anyway, in addition to scheduling the cervical swabbing, my doctor recommended that I get a screening mammogram as well; sort of a baseline thing.  The insurance company was having a special on both women's health checks  i.e. they were going to be co-pay free visits so I said OK.  It was a bargain.  I'd save $30.  Of course the financial bonus was about the only aspect of this I was looking forward to.  I don't know any woman that gets excited about a yearly visit with her legs in the stirrups and her vagina being ratcheted open.  Having one's breasts compressed into unnatural shapes is only marginally more appealing.  Believe me, I have thought about the relative rank of these two procedures and the mammogram wins as the better of the two.

I dutifully went in for both the tests.  It is sort of like how I go to the dentist every six months.  Usually works out OK.  Its uncomfortable and I get the usual lecture about flossing but basically I know I've been doing the right things by my teeth and don't anticipate any problems.  I figured it would be about the same for my female bits.

First, the pap smear came back with "abnormal" cells.

Sirens start blaring.

The mammogram showed five "areas of concern"; some in each breast.

Sirens sound again.

I was assured on both counts that it was unlikely, given my age, blah, blah, to be cancer.  But, I was sent off to a specialist for the cervical "question" and a different specialist for the breast "question".

Sirens wailing....

I had to get another set of mammograms and ultrasound on my breast.  After that, there were only two "areas of concern" in the left breast.   Recommendation biopsy.

Those damn sirens again....

Two months later I ended up in the stirrups again with not only my vagina ratcheted open and very long q-tips swabbing some rather unpleasant goo around inside me but had a microscope up-close-and-personal.  According to the doctor, "everything looks healthy but one little spot"  so she took a biopsy.


I waited... I got the results of my cervical biopsy.  Sure enough there are abnormal cells but not cancerous or pre-cancerous.  Yay!  I am supposed to go for a follow up pap smear in six months and every six months until the abnormal cells go away or turn into something more sinister.  Un-yay!

I had the biopsy on my left breast yesterday.   It was supposed to be numb.  I wasn't supposed to feel pain.  But, I felt them take little pieces of my breast.   I was asked if I was normally so quiet.  I just shook my head.

I am waiting...

The sirens still haven't stopped.

I expect it is probably nothing but I can't seem to sleep.  I wish I could.